I still miss you
by ThisIsHowTheBeatDrops
Summary: What if Youji hadn't survived the fight with the Zero girls


I'm stupid and don't know how to make seperate chapters...

Title:I still miss you

Author:ThisIsHowTheBeatDrops

Disclaimer:TiHtBD owns NOTHING...dammit

Warnings:Character death,Short

Summary:What if Youji hadn't survived the fight with the zero girls

Pairings: Implied NatsuoxYouji

The funeral

It was a small funeral only Natsuo,Ritsuka,Soubi,Kio and Nagisa-sensei had bothered to show up.Everyone shed a few tears except for Natsuo.Natsuo Sagan who was geneitically engineered to feel no pain, Felt a dull ache in his heart.Natsuo Sagan who had laughed so joyously at everything was now sobbing uncontrollably, his small frame shaking with every gasp for breath.The very same Natsuo Sagan who had attempted to rape an adult was staring disbelieving at the body laying in the coffin.His beautiful sacrifice lay there motionless and peaceful as if only sleeping.The fighter prayed as he stroked the lifeless cheek of the one person who truly mattered.He prayed that Youji would sit up and shout "Psyche!"At the top of his lungs and everything would go back to the way it was but no matter how hard he pleaded it didn't happen.Youji didn't open his beautiful Purple eyes and stare into Natsuo green one.Youji didn't sit up and tell Natsuo he was just kidding and he could stop worrying.

"NO!"Natsuo screamed as the priest tried to lead him into the chapel."I can't leave him!Please he's going to open his eyes any minute and tell us all it was just a joke!"

"Come on Natsuo."Ritsuka said laying his hand on the other boys shoulders.Natsuo allowed himself to be lead away.

"Dearly beloved we are gathered here to say our goodbyes to Youji Sagan."A fresh wave of tears came over Natsuo."Youji's death was a tragedy for everyone.He left us at such a young age but now he's in a better place.A place without sin and hate where he can be happy."A few minutes later the service ended with the priest saying."Rest in Peace Youji,may god bless your soul." Natsuo was sobbing into his hands when the priest asked if anyone had anything they wanted to say.Of course every one did.

Kio was the first to speak,

"Hey brat,It's so different without you,Sou-chan's house is so quiet without you there torturing someone,"He gave a small smile to Natsuo trough his tears."I guess I'm trying to say I miss you."Kio finished as he sat down.Soubi in turn stood up.As he passed Natsuo he squeezed Natsuo's shoulder reassuringly.As he finished Ritsuka stood.

"Bye Youji,"He said softly."It's so weird to be saying goodbye to you I always thought it'd be the other way around everytime you asked if I wanted to play a game."He paused in front of Natsuo to hug him briefly.As Ritsuka went back to where Soubi was sitting Nagisa rose and made her way to the podium. "No one wants to say goodbye to their child and that's exactly what you were to me. It's so hard for me to say goodbye you were a son and a friend to me. Goodbye Youji." She finished and Natsuo walked slowly to Youji's casket. "I guess this is goodbye huh Yo-chan?" He did the only thing he could really think to do and began to sing the chorus to one of Youji's favorite songs.

_I've talked to friends_

_Talked to myself_

_Talked to god_

_I've prayed like hell _

_But I still miss you_

He paused to push Youji's hair off his forehead. "Bye Youji, I love you." He whispered before continuing the song.

_I've tried sober_

_I've tried drinkin'_

_I've been strong_

_And I've been weak_

_But I still miss you_

_I've done everything to move on_

_Like I'm supposed to _

_But I 'd give anything_

_For one more minute with you_

_I still miss you_

"I miss you baby." He finished with tears pouring down his face.

Chapter 2

Saying sorry

It'd been about a week since Youji's funeral and Natsuo was doing no better. He cried constantly and when he ran out of tears he sat staring at the wall paper of the phone he had shared with his precious Youji the picture of the two of them together brought the first smile to his face since the fight with those bitches who'd killed his Youji ._ Yo-chan._ he thought sadly _what's heaven like? Is it beautiful? I miss you. It's your birthday. I miss you Youji. I miss the way you laugh and the way you'd be so gentle and protective even though I'm the fighter. I miss the way you kiss me most. It's hurts Youji I don't WANT to say good bye. I'm so sorry I wasn't a good enough fighter to protect you._

_Saying good bye_

_This time_

_The same old story_

_Seeing you cry makes me feel like saying sorry_

_Just a few last hours we gotta make this count_

_We're counting backward_

_We're falling forward_

Natsuo flipped open the of the phone. "Moshi Moshi?" he asked wearily.

"Natsuo?" an uncertain voice on the other end asked.

"Hai." He answered softly as if it hurt to speak.

"My name is Yuki. I'm your new sacrifice."

Natsuo froze. "I don't want a new sacrifice!" He shouted causing Ritsuka to jump and Kio to look up startled.

Yuki in turn nodded understandingly before she realized he couldn't see her. Natsuo heard as the girl shouted. "Sensei? He says he doesn't want another sacrifice. Okay…I'll tell him."

"Nagisa-sensei says you haven't got a choice." She told him.

"Tell sensei I'll call her later." was his response. He hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket. "I'm going to see Youji." He informed the group.

_Saying sorry before we part_

_Wish we knew this from the start_

_Saying goodbyes the hardest part_

_Wish we knew this from the start_

"Youji!" He sobbed resting his against the tombstone. "Nagisa-sensei made me a new sacrifice! I don't want anyone else but you Youji." He paused to sniffle a bit. "Only you." He whispered. "It should have been me." He whispered softly. "I should be the one lying in that coffin not you." He said quietly. "Do you miss me? I miss you _so _much. I wish you were here with me."

"You're so devoted." Some one commented. Natsuo turned.

"_YOU! _It's you're fault I'm here. You bitch you killed my Youji." He yelled at the brunette who's hand was clasped tightly in a blondes.

"We never meant to kill your sacrifice." She commented dryly.

"We want to tell you we're sorry." The blonde added softly. Natsuo glared at them

"Sorry wont bring Youji back." He said quietly tears welling in his eye.

"We know." The blonde said.

"Yamato." The brunette said softly

"I just want my Youji back." He said crying softly.

Chapter 3

All around me

Natsuo lay curled in bed with Youji's pillow pressed against his chest as if it was the boy himself.

Some how Natsuo had managed to fall asleep he lay there dreaming.

"_Youji?" Natsuo asked as a flash of mint green flew past him. "Yo-Chan! Wait for me" He realized then Youji was smaller about 8 and that he recognized the scene him and Youji had been out playing and their Sensei had called them in. "Please wait Youji-chan." 8 year old Natsuo begged before falling. Youji turned as just as Natsuo hit the ground. Natsuo didn't cry It hadn't hurt him just sat there watching the blood pour out of the cut on his knee. _

"_Stupid 'Tsun." Youji said as he helped Natsuo stand up. "Can you walk Nat-chan?" He asked. Natsuo thought it was a stupid question of course he could walk he just had been. He didn't answer and took a step forward. He stumbled and fell but Youji caught him and pulled him up. "Don't worry Natsuo's got me to help him back!" Youji said heroically causing Natsuo to giggle. They made it to their room and Youji bandaged Natsuo's wound._

"_Youji?" Natsuo asked. "Do you think that since I didn't feel my self get hurt we could bleed to death and not notice?"_

_Youji considered it for a moment before nodding. "What would you do if I died?" he asked._

"_I'd die without Youji." was Natsuo's reply._

"_I'd want Natsuo to be happy." Youji said wrapping his arms around his fighter._

"_What would you do if I died?" Natsuo asked._

"_Shh let's not talk about death Nat-chan." He said softly._

Natsuo's eyes snapped open and he found him self reaching for his sacrifice.

_My hands searching for you_

_My arms are outstretched towards you_

_I feel you on my fingertips_

_My tongue dances behind my lips for you_

Natsuo slowly retracted his hands. _I'd want Natsuo to be happy. _The words replayed in his head. "But how am I supposed to be happy without Youji?" Asked the sacrifice even though he wasn't there. "You're gone so how am I supposed to be happy? You were what made me happy." He said softly.

_My hands float up above me_

_And you whisper you love me_

_And I begin to fly_

_Into out secret place_

_I love Nat-chan so I'd want him to be happy_. Youji's words echoed. That was his answer everytime Natsuo would say he'd die without him. Natsuo stood up and turned on the radio. He began moving in time with the music of Youji's favorite c.d.

_The music makes me sway_

_The angels singing say we are alone with you_

_I am alone and they are to with you._

Natsuo sat on the bed and clutched Youji's pillow to his chest inhaling the faint scent of Lilac's and candy. Natsuo whispered quietly as the music played. "You said you would never leave me."

_Take my hand and give it you_

_Now you want me all I am_

_You said you would never leave me_

_I believe you_

_I believe_

"He never will so long as you love him." A voice from the doorway said.

"How would you know?" Natsuo asked.

"I lost my brother." Ritsuka replied. "It hurt. It still does at times." He said sitting down. "We could talk you know about our losses." Natsuo just nodded.

"How'd you deal with the pain?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know. I suppose I realized my brother would always be with me in spirit as well as my heart." Ritsuka answered. "It'll never go away not fully at least but you should think of happy things when you remember him."

"I just-"

"I know but it'll get better. I promise."

Natsuo smiled. "Thanks Loveless-kun that makes me feel better."

"Youji'd want you to be happy." Ritsuka replied. "Don't forget you have people who care about you that you can talk to."

_Chapter 4_

_Johanna_

It had been a month since Youji's funeral and Natsuo was almost back to his old self. But of course there were times when he'd think of Youji and cry. But there were also times he'd think of Youji and laugh. He still visited Youji's grave every day and he told him about what was going on in his life he'd smile and tell him he loved him and that he missed him but he'd be happy for the both of them.

_I think we shall not meet again_

_My little dove my sweet_

_Johanna_

It saddened him to think wouldn't meet again for a long time. But at the same time he knew they'd meet again.

_Goodbye Johanna_

_You're gone_

_And yet your mine_

_I'm fine Johanna I'm fine_

It hurt to think he'd never hear that wonderful voice he loved so much. He realized it was true he was fine. He'd get on without Youji and he'd be okay.

_And if I never hear your voice_

_My turtledove my dear_

_I still have reason to rejoice_

_The way ahead is clear_

_Johanna_

There where times when the pain overwhelmed him and he'd do something brash and stupid like harm himself or others and he'd sink into depression but he'd remember that Youji wanted him to be happy and he'd go visit him and tell him everything.

_And in that darkness_

_When I'm blind but what I can't forget_

_It's always morning in my mind_

_My little lamb, my pet_

His Youji would always remain his Youji though no matter how much time elapsed and he'd always remain the way Natsuo remembered his mint green hair shining in the light and his beautiful violet eyes sparkling as he laughed and everytime he thought of Youji he'd remember the wish he'd made when they were younger. _I wish that me and Yo-chan could grow up and live happily ever after_. Of course that hadn't happened but there was always heaven where they could have their happily ever after

_You stay Johanna_

_The way I dreamed you were_

_Oh look Johanna a star_

_A shooting star._

Still he knew he'd think of his Youji 'til the day he died and he knew there where times when he'd think of him and he'd cry but he also knew when that happened that he had people to talk to he could talk to Soubi and Ritsuka to Kio and even to Yuki who he had met and discovered she had lost her fighter and that she was equally upset.

_And though I'll think of you_

_I guess until the day I die_

_I think I miss you less and less_

_As everyday goes by _

_Johanna._

He'd wake up and wish his Youji was there but he never was and in time that faded though he still said good morning and good night to Youji.

_Wake up Johanna_

_Another bright red day_

_We learn Johanna _

_To say goodbye,_

_**The End**_

.


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